why do i study

src/blog/why do I study.md

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+---
+aliases: 
+tags:
+  - post
+  - Blog
+date: 2024-02-04
+link: 
+excerpt: "a realisation: transcending beyond the concept of scoring"
+title: why do I study?
+---
+## motive
+"What is my motive to study?"
+'No, it is not to score, but to learn.'
+"Then why do I have [inner conflicts](https://moisentinel.github.io/blog/p/an-intellectual-dillemma/) when studying?"
+'I love studying. The issue is with "why" I am *supposed* to study. The most causal explanation I can give is that I put too much weightage on my principles *against* the "study to score" idea, which seeps into my mind when I am practicing and studying.'
+## remembrance
+I would like to frame things differently to myself now. Instead of solving question papers for the best possible marks (which is inherently the objective behind mock tests and such), I will solve them to check my understanding and refine my knowledge (this aligns with my core values, which is to [[#intentions|learn]] and acquire more knowledge.)
+
+It won't matter if I score low. I would win **inevitably** if I learnt something new. And I believe that it *may* make me score more (I mean, if you are crystal clear with your concepts, how can you not score?). 
+
+But the main motive is to keep in mind that **I am not doing it for the marks.**
+#### intentions
+Whenever I will watch a video on a concept or revise a topic, I would make myself remember my intentions of doing so. And they are:
+1. I love learning, and I will learn for the sake of learning (intrinsic motivation).
+2. It will help me understand the world.
+3. I can use it to contribute to the world.
+## wb college?
+Many students, including me, get startled when they think about college. "Oh no, I have got to do X and Y to get into a good college!".
+I believe this is some sort of FOMO, but everything will be alright eventually. If you have your reasons clear, you are going to accomplish your job.
+
+My parents worry about this too, because I am too "away" from the mainstream. This does not align with their ideology; well, they were raised in a different era and a different way.
+## realisation
+I do realise that I had been in a slump. I had lost my curiosity, because I forgot my reasons why I study. Maybe this is high time that you too realise why YOU study.
+
+Studying and learning should be fun, not mundane and aimless, which is why you need to understand what tickles your inner (studious) Laughing Buddha to wake up.