-
Notifications
You must be signed in to change notification settings - Fork 1
/
Copy pathindex.html
991 lines (659 loc) · 122 KB
/
index.html
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
32
33
34
35
36
37
38
39
40
41
42
43
44
45
46
47
48
49
50
51
52
53
54
55
56
57
58
59
60
61
62
63
64
65
66
67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
77
78
79
80
81
82
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198
199
200
201
202
203
204
205
206
207
208
209
210
211
212
213
214
215
216
217
218
219
220
221
222
223
224
225
226
227
228
229
230
231
232
233
234
235
236
237
238
239
240
241
242
243
244
245
246
247
248
249
250
251
252
253
254
255
256
257
258
259
260
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275
276
277
278
279
280
281
282
283
284
285
286
287
288
289
290
291
292
293
294
295
296
297
298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
307
308
309
310
311
312
313
314
315
316
317
318
319
320
321
322
323
324
325
326
327
328
329
330
331
332
333
334
335
336
337
338
339
340
341
342
343
344
345
346
347
348
349
350
351
352
353
354
355
356
357
358
359
360
361
362
363
364
365
366
367
368
369
370
371
372
373
374
375
376
377
378
379
380
381
382
383
384
385
386
387
388
389
390
391
392
393
394
395
396
397
398
399
400
401
402
403
404
405
406
407
408
409
410
411
412
413
414
415
416
417
418
419
420
421
422
423
424
425
426
427
428
429
430
431
432
433
434
435
436
437
438
439
440
441
442
443
444
445
446
447
448
449
450
451
452
453
454
455
456
457
458
459
460
461
462
463
464
465
466
467
468
469
470
471
472
473
474
475
476
477
478
479
480
481
482
483
484
485
486
487
488
489
490
491
492
493
494
495
496
497
498
499
500
501
502
503
504
505
506
507
508
509
510
511
512
513
514
515
516
517
518
519
520
521
522
523
524
525
526
527
528
529
530
531
532
533
534
535
536
537
538
539
540
541
542
543
544
545
546
547
548
549
550
551
552
553
554
555
556
557
558
559
560
561
562
563
564
565
566
567
568
569
570
571
572
573
574
575
576
577
578
579
580
581
582
583
584
585
586
587
588
589
590
591
592
593
594
595
596
597
598
599
600
601
602
603
604
605
606
607
608
609
610
611
612
613
614
615
616
617
618
619
620
621
622
623
624
625
626
627
628
629
630
631
632
633
634
635
636
637
638
639
640
641
642
643
644
645
646
647
648
649
650
651
652
653
654
655
656
657
658
659
660
661
662
663
664
665
666
667
668
669
670
671
672
673
674
675
676
677
678
679
680
681
682
683
684
685
686
687
688
689
690
691
692
693
694
695
696
697
698
699
700
701
702
703
704
705
706
707
708
709
710
711
712
713
714
715
716
717
718
719
720
721
722
723
724
725
726
727
728
729
730
731
732
733
734
735
736
737
738
739
740
741
742
743
744
745
746
747
748
749
750
751
752
753
754
755
756
757
758
759
760
761
762
763
764
765
766
767
768
769
770
771
772
773
774
775
776
777
778
779
780
781
782
783
784
785
786
787
788
789
790
791
792
793
794
795
796
797
798
799
800
801
802
803
804
805
806
807
808
809
810
811
812
813
814
815
816
817
818
819
820
821
822
823
824
825
826
827
828
829
830
831
832
833
834
835
836
837
838
839
840
841
842
843
844
845
846
847
848
849
850
851
852
853
854
855
856
857
858
859
860
861
862
863
864
865
866
867
868
869
870
871
872
873
874
875
876
877
878
879
880
881
882
883
884
885
886
887
888
889
890
891
892
893
894
895
896
897
898
899
900
901
902
903
904
905
906
907
908
909
910
911
912
913
914
915
916
917
918
919
920
921
922
923
924
925
926
927
928
929
930
931
932
933
934
935
936
937
938
939
940
941
942
943
944
945
946
947
948
949
950
951
952
953
954
955
956
957
958
959
960
961
962
963
964
965
966
967
968
969
970
971
972
973
974
975
976
977
978
979
980
981
982
983
984
985
986
987
988
989
990
991
<!DOCTYPE html>
<!--[if IEMobile 7 ]><html class="no-js iem7"><![endif]-->
<!--[if lt IE 9]><html class="no-js lte-ie8"><![endif]-->
<!--[if (gt IE 8)|(gt IEMobile 7)|!(IEMobile)|!(IE)]><!--><html class="no-js" lang="en"><!--<![endif]-->
<head>
<meta charset="utf-8">
<title>a Code Farmer</title>
<meta name="author" content="Sabonis">
<meta name="description" content="I bought it three months ago, but never read it once since then.
It is a Chinese-translated edition, because the original book is
written in …">
<!-- http://t.co/dKP3o1e -->
<meta name="HandheldFriendly" content="True">
<meta name="MobileOptimized" content="320">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1">
<link rel="canonical" href="http://sabonis.github.io/">
<link href="/favicon.png" rel="icon">
<link href="/stylesheets/screen.css" media="screen, projection" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css">
<link href="/atom.xml" rel="alternate" title="a Code Farmer" type="application/atom+xml">
<script src="/javascripts/modernizr-2.0.js"></script>
<script src="//ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/libs/jquery/1.9.1/jquery.min.js"></script>
<script>!window.jQuery && document.write(unescape('%3Cscript src="/javascripts/libs/jquery.min.js"%3E%3C/script%3E'))</script>
<script src="/javascripts/octopress.js" type="text/javascript"></script>
<!--Fonts from Google"s Web font directory at http://google.com/webfonts -->
<link href="//fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=PT+Serif:regular,italic,bold,bolditalic" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css">
<link href="//fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=PT+Sans:regular,italic,bold,bolditalic" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css">
</head>
<body >
<header role="banner"><hgroup>
<h1><a href="/">a Code Farmer</a></h1>
<h2>A blogging framework for hacker who farms</h2>
</hgroup>
</header>
<nav role="navigation"><ul class="subscription" data-subscription="rss">
<li><a href="/atom.xml" rel="subscribe-rss" title="subscribe via RSS">RSS</a></li>
</ul>
<form action="http://google.com/search" method="get">
<fieldset role="search">
<input type="hidden" name="sitesearch" value="sabonis.github.io">
<input class="search" type="text" name="q" results="0" placeholder="Search"/>
</fieldset>
</form>
<ul class="main-navigation">
<li><a href="/">Blog</a></li>
<li><a href="/blog/archives">Archives</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.mindomo.com/mindmap/sabonis-36578e0ca982401a9875d6b829e48193">My Mind</a></li>
</ul>
</nav>
<div id="main">
<div id="content">
<div class="blog-index">
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2015/05/03/tafalsesiiruby-di-4ban/">たのしいRuby 第4版 Reading Notes 0</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2015-05-03T12:30:48+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>May</span> <span class='date-day'>3</span><span class='date-suffix'>rd</span>, <span class='date-year'>2015</span></span> <span class='time'>12:30 pm</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><p><img src="/images/myImage/ruby_v4.jpg" width="300" height="225"></p>
<p>I bought it three months ago, but never read it once since then.
It is a Chinese-translated edition, because the original book is
written in Japanese, which I am totally not familiar with, not
even a word.
I gonna to read it, write some notes and hope finish this
book in not very long time.</p>
<h2>Basics</h2>
<p>“Hello World” is always a best friend of novice.<br/>
I am going to begin my journey of ruby with its basic output functions.</p>
<h3>Standard outputs</h3>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span></span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
<span class='line-number'>9</span>
<span class='line-number'>10</span>
<span class='line-number'>11</span>
<span class='line-number'>12</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'><span class="cm">=begin</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="cm">ruby style's multi-line comments.</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="cm">=end</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s2">"Hello World</span><span class="se">\n</span><span class="s2">"</span><span class="p">);</span> <span class="c1">#=> Hello World</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># note: semicolon is not nesessary. ruby is not JAVA</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">puts</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s1">'Hello World'</span><span class="p">)</span> <span class="c1">#=> Hello World</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># Same as above except "\n" is automatically added at the end of string.</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">p</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s1">'Hello World'</span><span class="p">)</span> <span class="c1">#=> 'Hello World'</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># "p()" is simply output data in its natrual literal form.</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<h3>Standard outputs revisited</h3>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span></span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'><span class="n">a</span> <span class="o">=</span> <span class="s1">'World'</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s2">"Hello "</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="n">a</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="s2">"</span><span class="se">\n</span><span class="s2">"</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s2">"Hello </span><span class="si">#{</span><span class="n">a</span><span class="si">}</span><span class="se">\n</span><span class="s2">"</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">puts</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s2">"Hello </span><span class="si">#{</span><span class="n">a</span><span class="si">}</span><span class="s2">"</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> Hello World</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># Three of above have no differences.</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<h3>Loops</h3>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span></span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'><span class="p">(</span><span class="mi">10</span><span class="o">.</span><span class="n">times</span> <span class="k">do</span> <span class="o">|</span><span class="n">i</span><span class="o">|</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="nb">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="n">i</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">end</span><span class="p">)</span><span class="o">.</span><span class="n">times</span> <span class="k">do</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="nb">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="n">i</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">end</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> 01234567890123456789</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<p>What?<br/>
Yes, that’s a use of chain rule, as <a href="http://ruby-doc.org/core-2.2.2/Integer.html#method-i-times"><code>times</code></a>
is a function that return itself, which is 10.
10 is a instance of <a href="http://ruby-doc.org/core-2.2.2/Fixnum.html"><code>Fixnum</code></a>
, which is also a subclass of <code>Integer</code>.
Let’s take look at the big picture of <code>Numeric</code> class hiearchy in Ruby.<sup id='fninref:1'><a href='#fnin:1' rel='footnote'>1</a></sup></p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Class Hiearchy</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='text'><span class='line'>Numeric
</span><span class='line'> -> Integer #-> method "times" lies in.
</span><span class='line'> -> Fixnum #-> where 10 comes from.
</span><span class='line'> -> Bignum
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<h3>Everything is object</h3>
<p>That’s ruby, everything is object. Unlike java, there is no primitive type.
You might wondering where <code>print()</code> comes from<sup id='fninref:2'><a href='#fnin:2' rel='footnote'>2</a></sup>.
<code>IO</code> is where it comes from. There are three constant, STDIN, STDOUT and STDERR, which is pointed by
ruby’s global variables, $stdin, $stdout and $sterr respectively.<br/>
<code>print()</code> is a alias of <code>$stdout.print()</code> provided by ruby’s <code>Kernel</code> module.</p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>print() is alias of $stdout.print()</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'><span class="vg">$stdout</span><span class="o">.</span><span class="n">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s1">'I am a alias'</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># is equivelent to</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="s1">'I am a alias'</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<h3>Array and Hash</h3>
<p>Beside <code>String</code> and <code>Numeric</code> two basic structure, Ruby has two more advanced data structure -
<code>Array</code> and <code>Hash</code>.
You can think of both as Java’s <code>List</code>and <code>Map</code>.</p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Array</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
<span class='line-number'>9</span>
<span class='line-number'>10</span>
<span class='line-number'>11</span>
<span class='line-number'>12</span>
<span class='line-number'>13</span>
<span class='line-number'>14</span>
<span class='line-number'>15</span>
<span class='line-number'>16</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'><span class="n">names</span> <span class="o">=</span> <span class="o">[</span><span class="s1">'sabonis'</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="s1">'sprewell'</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="s1">'shiren'</span><span class="o">]</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> ['sabonis', 'sprewell', 'shiren']</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="n">mix</span> <span class="o">=</span> <span class="o">[</span><span class="s1">'sabonis'</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="mi">29</span><span class="o">]</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> Ruby supports different types in one container.</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># Size of array</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="n">names</span><span class="o">.</span><span class="n">size</span><span class="p">()</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> 3</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># Iteration</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="n">names</span><span class="o">.</span><span class="n">each</span> <span class="p">{</span> <span class="o">|</span><span class="n">item</span><span class="o">|</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="nb">print</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="n">item</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="s1">''</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="p">}</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> sabonis sprewell shiren</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># {...} is same as "do ... end" block.</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Hash</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'><span class="n">address</span> <span class="o">=</span> <span class="p">{</span><span class="ss">:city</span> <span class="o">=></span> <span class="s1">'Taipei'</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="ss">:country</span> <span class="o">=></span> <span class="s1">'Taiwan'</span><span class="p">}</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1"># Iteration</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="n">address</span><span class="o">.</span><span class="n">each</span> <span class="p">{</span><span class="o">|</span><span class="n">key</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="n">value</span><span class="o">|</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="nb">puts</span><span class="p">(</span><span class="n">key</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="s1">' => '</span><span class="p">,</span> <span class="n">value</span><span class="p">)</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="p">}</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> city => Taipei</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c1">#=> country => Taiwan</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<p><code>:city</code> is a <code>Symbol</code> of ruby, you can think of this as a lightweight
version of <code>String</code>.</p>
<blockquote><p>The same Symbol object will be created for a given name or string for the duration of a program's execution, regardless of the context or meaning of that name.</p><footer><strong>Ruby Reference</strong> <cite><a href='http://ruby-doc.org/core-2.2.0/Symbol.html'>ruby-doc.org/core-2.2.0/…</a></cite></footer></blockquote>
<p>Per doc says, there will be one instance of Symbol with same name till program ended.</p>
<h2>Notes</h2>
<div class="footnotes"><ol><li id='fnin:1'><p>For more information, see <a href="http://ruby-doc.org/core-2.2.2/Numeric.html">Ruby Reference</a> <a href='#fninref:1' rel='reference'>↩</a></p>
</li><li id='fnin:2'><p>See this <a href="https://robots.thoughtbot.com/io-in-ruby">post</a> <a href='#fninref:2' rel='reference'>↩</a></p>
</li></ol></div>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2015/04/21/hello-sinatra/">Hello Sinatra</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2015-04-21T23:09:57+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Apr</span> <span class='date-day'>21</span><span class='date-suffix'>st</span>, <span class='date-year'>2015</span></span> <span class='time'>11:09 pm</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><h2>The setup</h2>
<p>I choose to take recently most popular technology - Docker as our testing environment.
One of benefit features of docker is that by using Dockerfile we have a descriptive and
vcs-capable system environment, and that makes our life easier when we have migration needs.</p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Project Structure</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='sh'><span class='line'>/PROJECT_HOME/
</span><span class='line'>├── Dockerfile
</span><span class='line'>└── myapp.rb
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="m">0</span> directories, <span class="m">2</span> files
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<p>Easy enough, just two files.</p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Dockerfile</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
<span class='line-number'>9</span>
<span class='line-number'>10</span>
<span class='line-number'>11</span>
<span class='line-number'>12</span>
<span class='line-number'>13</span>
<span class='line-number'>14</span>
<span class='line-number'>15</span>
<span class='line-number'>16</span>
<span class='line-number'>17</span>
<span class='line-number'>18</span>
<span class='line-number'>19</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='dockerfile'><span class='line'><span class="c"># It’ll need ruby</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">FROM</span> ruby:latest
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">MAINTAINER</span> sabonis <sabonis.tw@gmail.com>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># The directory our main program` runs on.</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">VOLUME</span> /server
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># Relative path in which command executes.</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">WORKDIR</span> /server
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># Install sinatra</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">RUN</span> gem install sinatra
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># Defaut host of sinatra app is 127.0.0.1,</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># that is not OK if your server needs port-forwarding.</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">CMD</span> ruby myapp.rb -o 0.0.0.0
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">EXPOSE</span> <span class="m">4567</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>myapp.rb</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'><span class="c1">#myapp.rb</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">require</span> <span class="s1">'sinatra'</span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="n">get</span> <span class="s1">'/'</span> <span class="k">do</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="s1">'Hello world!'</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="k">end</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<h2>The Hello</h2>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Console</span></figcaption><div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
<span class='line-number'>9</span>
<span class='line-number'>10</span>
<span class='line-number'>11</span>
<span class='line-number'>12</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='bash'><span class='line'><span class="c"># Build dockerfile to docker image.</span>
</span><span class='line'>sudo docker build -t YOUR_NAME/sinatra
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># Run the image.</span>
</span><span class='line'>sudo docker run -dp 80:4567 <span class="se">\</span>
</span><span class='line'> -v <span class="sb">`</span><span class="nb">pwd</span><span class="sb">`</span>:/server <span class="se">\</span>
</span><span class='line'> YOUR_NAME/sinatra
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># Test whether it works.</span>
</span><span class='line'>curl localhost
</span><span class='line'>Hello world!%
</span><span class='line'><span class="c">#It works.</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2014/04/28/octopress-on-cygwin/">Octopress on Cygwin</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2014-04-28T13:36:16+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Apr</span> <span class='date-day'>28</span><span class='date-suffix'>th</span>, <span class='date-year'>2014</span></span> <span class='time'>1:36 pm</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><p>It is painful when you are forced to use Windows as your programming environment.
But there comes a rescuer Cygwin. With Cygwin, you have almost all tools that Unix
have if install properly.</p>
<p>comment out following these lines</p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>In the Rakefile </span></figcaption>
<div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='ruby'><span class='line'> <span class="c1">#if (/cygwin|mswin|mingw|bccwin|wince|emx/ =~ RUBY_PLATFORM) != nil</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="c1">#puts '## Set the codepage to 65001 for Windows machines'</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="c1">#`chcp 65001`</span>
</span><span class='line'> <span class="c1">#end</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<p>or you will get failed in the process of <code>rake generate</code></p>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2013/11/30/lamp-on-arch/">LAMP on ARCH</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2013-11-30T12:11:00+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Nov</span> <span class='date-day'>30</span><span class='date-suffix'>th</span>, <span class='date-year'>2013</span></span> <span class='time'>12:11 pm</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><p>If you are a web developer, you got to have these packages to be deployed on your ARCH.
Those who use Windows, just keep playing CIVILIZATION V, no bothers.</p>
<p>Here is how</p>
<h2>Installing part</h2>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Console </span></figcaption>
<div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='bash'><span class='line'><span class="c"># update all packages</span>
</span><span class='line'>pacman -Syu<span class="p">;</span>
</span><span class='line'>pacman -S apache php php-apache mariadb
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<h2>Configuring part</h2>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Console </span></figcaption>
<div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
<span class='line-number'>9</span>
<span class='line-number'>10</span>
<span class='line-number'>11</span>
<span class='line-number'>12</span>
<span class='line-number'>13</span>
<span class='line-number'>14</span>
<span class='line-number'>15</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='bash'><span class='line'>vi /etc/httpd/conf/httpd.conf
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># append following entries</span>
</span><span class='line'>LoadModule php5_module modules/libphp5.so
</span><span class='line'>AddHandler php5-script php
</span><span class='line'>Include conf/extra/php5_module.conf
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'>vi /etc/php/php.ini
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># uncomment this line</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nv">extension</span><span class="o">=</span>mysqli.so
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># setup mariadb, this is a interactive command, just follow the instruction</span>
</span><span class='line'>sudo mysql_secure_installation
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># enable httpd at start-up</span>
</span><span class='line'>sudo systemctl <span class="nb">enable </span>httpd <span class="o">&&</span> systemctl restart httpd
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<p>and we are done here.</p>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2013/10/30/sad/">Sad</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2013-10-30T01:46:00+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Oct</span> <span class='date-day'>30</span><span class='date-suffix'>th</span>, <span class='date-year'>2013</span></span> <span class='time'>1:46 am</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><p>shoot,
after <code>yaourt -Syu</code>,
gnome is dead.
I use LXDE now.
but I want try gnome 3.10.
so sad.</p>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2013/09/22/fingerprint/">Fingerprint in Arch Linux</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2013-09-22T03:32:00+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Sep</span> <span class='date-day'>22</span><span class='date-suffix'>nd</span>, <span class='date-year'>2013</span></span> <span class='time'>3:32 am</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><h1>Saddly, it has been sold one day in 2014.</h1>
<p>–edited Sun Apr 19 00:58:58 CST 2015</p>
<p><img src="/images/myImage/X230.jpg" title="X230" ></p>
<p>X230 is a cool laptop I ever used, not mentioned it backend by Arch Linux. Coolest thing is that it has figerprint device.
You can just use “right-index-finger” to login into the system without any key pressed.</p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Console </span></figcaption>
<div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
<span class='line-number'>9</span>
<span class='line-number'>10</span>
<span class='line-number'>11</span>
<span class='line-number'>12</span>
<span class='line-number'>13</span>
<span class='line-number'>14</span>
<span class='line-number'>15</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='sh'><span class='line'><span class="c"># check device status</span>
</span><span class='line'>lsusb
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># you would find something like this below</span>
</span><span class='line'>.............
</span><span class='line'> .............
</span><span class='line'>Bus <span class="m">003</span> Device 003: ID 147e:2020 Upek TouchChip Fingerprint Coprocessor <span class="o">(</span>WBF advanced mode<span class="o">)</span>
</span><span class='line'> .............
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># install related package</span>
</span><span class='line'> pacman -S fprintd
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># scan your fingerprint by this interactive command</span>
</span><span class='line'> fprintd-enroll
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># follow the instruction, and you are all set</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2013/03/17/tmux-powerline/">Tmux-Powerline</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2013-03-17T20:45:00+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Mar</span> <span class='date-day'>17</span><span class='date-suffix'>th</span>, <span class='date-year'>2013</span></span> <span class='time'>8:45 pm</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><p><img src="/images/myImage/tmux.png" title="tmux with powerline" ></p>
<p><a href="http://tmux.sourceforge.net/">Tmux</a> is a very powerful terminal tool.
I was once a user of <em>Screen</em>,
but after giving <em>Tmux</em> a try. There is no going back…, at least,
after changing its key binding to <em>Screen</em> and <em>Vim</em> alike.
It is, though, powerful enough, folks just don’t content with what we have now.
So here comes one of my favo plugins - <em>Tmux-Powerline</em>.</p>
<h2>one big problem - <strong>Special Character</strong></h2>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Use fontforge </span></figcaption>
<div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='sh'><span class='line'>sudo apt-get install python-fontforge <span class="c"># install needed package</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="nb">cd</span> /usr/share/fonts/truetype/ubuntu-font-family/ <span class="c"># my os is Ubuntu 12.04</span>
</span><span class='line'>PATH_TO_FONTFORGE UbuntuMono-R.ttf <span class="c"># no more garbled character</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2013/03/09/my-java-note/">My Java Note</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2013-03-09T13:51:00+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Mar</span> <span class='date-day'>9</span><span class='date-suffix'>th</span>, <span class='date-year'>2013</span></span> <span class='time'>1:51 pm</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><blockquote><p>Write once, debug everywhere.</p><footer><strong>John Graham-Cumming</strong> <cite><a href='http://blog.jgc.org/2007/10/write-once-debug-everywhere.html'>blog.jgc.org/2007/10/…</a></cite></footer></blockquote>
<h2> </h2>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>String class StringTest.java </span></figcaption>
<div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='java'><span class='line'><span class="s">"Jessica"</span><span class="o">.</span><span class="na">subString</span><span class="o">(</span><span class="mi">0</span><span class="o">,</span> <span class="mi">4</span><span class="o">)</span> <span class="c1">// return Jess</span>
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2013/03/02/how-to-add-a-new-post-on-octopress/">How to Add a New Post on Octopress</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2013-03-02T09:57:00+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Mar</span> <span class='date-day'>2</span><span class='date-suffix'>nd</span>, <span class='date-year'>2013</span></span> <span class='time'>9:57 am</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><h2>Show me how</h2>
<p>This post is for my memory-limited brain. Basically, three step needed.</p>
<figure class='code'><figcaption><span>Console </span></figcaption>
<div class="highlight"><table><tr><td class="gutter"><pre class="line-numbers"><span class='line-number'>1</span>
<span class='line-number'>2</span>
<span class='line-number'>3</span>
<span class='line-number'>4</span>
<span class='line-number'>5</span>
<span class='line-number'>6</span>
<span class='line-number'>7</span>
<span class='line-number'>8</span>
<span class='line-number'>9</span>
<span class='line-number'>10</span>
<span class='line-number'>11</span>
</pre></td><td class='code'><pre><code class='sh'><span class='line'><span class="c">###1. Create a new post.</span>
</span><span class='line'>rake new_post<span class="se">\[</span><span class="s2">"POST_TITLE"</span><span class="se">\]</span> <span class="c"># notice the backslash before square brackets</span>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># new created post file will locate at place like line below. End with *.markdown. </span>
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c">###2. Add markdown format stuff here</span>
</span><span class='line'>vi PATH_TO_OCTOPRESS/source/_posts/DATE-POST_TITLE.markdown
</span><span class='line'>
</span><span class='line'><span class="c">###3. Generate compliled files and push to server you defined before.</span>
</span><span class='line'>rake generate <span class="o">&&</span> rake deploy
</span><span class='line'><span class="c"># or</span>
</span><span class='line'>rake gen_deploy
</span></code></pre></td></tr></table></div></figure>
<p>And we are done here.</p>
</div>
</article>
<article>
<header>
<h1 class="entry-title"><a href="/blog/2013/03/02/title/">It Works.</a></h1>
<p class="meta">
<time class='entry-date' datetime='2013-03-02T05:27:00+08:00'><span class='date'><span class='date-month'>Mar</span> <span class='date-day'>2</span><span class='date-suffix'>nd</span>, <span class='date-year'>2013</span></span> <span class='time'>5:27 am</span></time>
</p>
</header>
<div class="entry-content"><h2>Hello world, hello Taeyeon</h2>
<p><img class="right" src="/images/myImage/taeyeon.jpg">
Wow, this is a awesome blogging frame work.
There are many funny pluggins and themes to play with.
Maybe later.
I just called it a day.</p>
</div>
</article>
<div class="pagination">
<a href="/blog/archives">Blog Archives</a>
</div>
</div>
<aside class="sidebar">
<section>
<h1>Did you know...</h1>
<p id="chuck_norris"></p>
<script text="javascript">
jokes = JSON.parse("{ \"type\": \"success\", \"value\": [ { \"id\": 584, \"joke\": \"Only Chuck Norris shuts down websites without due process, not SOPA or PIPA.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 557, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can read from an input stream.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 388, \"joke\": \"The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 465, \"joke\": \"Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 292, \"joke\": \"If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 408, \"joke\": \"Love does not hurt. Chuck Norris does.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 210, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 75, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 467, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 469, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 140, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 60, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn't get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 187, \"joke\": \"# Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 1, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 198, \"joke\": \"Do you know why Baskin Robbins only has 31 flavors? Because Chuck Norris doesn't like Fudge Ripple.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 527, \"joke\": \"No one has ever spoken during review of Chuck Norris' code and lived to tell about it.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 73, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 89, \"joke\": \"For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 121, \"joke\": \"It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 288, \"joke\": \"To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 309, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 126, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 407, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 496, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris went out of an infinite loop.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 480, \"joke\": \"The class object inherits from Chuck Norris\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 554, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can install a 64 bit OS on 32 bit machines.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 497, \"joke\": \"If Chuck Norris writes code with bugs, the bugs fix themselves.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 124, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 159, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 436, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 157, \"joke\": \"A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 501, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' programs never exit, they terminate.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 377, \"joke\": \"When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 556, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can write to an output stream.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 237, \"joke\": \"Human cloning is outlawed because of Chuck Norris, because then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 57, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 278, \"joke\": \"They had to edit the first ending of 'Lone Wolf McQuade' after Chuck Norris kicked David Carradine's ass, then proceeded to barbecue and eat him.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 525, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 216, \"joke\": \"Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse-kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 82, \"joke\": \"When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 92, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 529, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 110, \"joke\": \"You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 66, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 523, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can win in a game of Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 189, \"joke\": \"Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 512, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not need to type-cast. The Chuck-Norris Compiler (CNC) sees through things. All way down. Always.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 240, \"joke\": \"In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 174, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 458, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 347, \"joke\": \"Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 114, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 222, \"joke\": \"Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 50, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe with eleven herbs and spices. Nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 149, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 356, \"joke\": \"We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 211, \"joke\": \"Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 349, \"joke\": \"A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 315, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 506, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris programs do not accept input.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 329, \"joke\": \"There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 548, \"joke\": \"Product Owners never argue with Chuck Norris after he demonstrates the DropKick feature.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 170, \"joke\": \"Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 424, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has volunteered to remain on earth after the Rapture; he will spend his time fighting the Anti-Christ.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 546, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 23, \"joke\": \"Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 217, \"joke\": \"Crime does not pay - unless you are an undertaker following Walker, Texas Ranger, on a routine patrol.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 144, \"joke\": \"If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 199, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 100, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 369, \"joke\": \"A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 345, \"joke\": \"When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "Chuck Norris". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 550, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can speak Braille.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 522, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 520, \"joke\": \"With Chuck Norris P = NP. There's no nondeterminism with Chuck Norris decisions.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 86, \"joke\": \"Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 104, \"joke\": \"If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 381, \"joke\": \"Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Chuck Norris fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 26, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle - you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 61, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 243, \"joke\": \"Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and ran into Chuck Norris while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 180, \"joke\": \"When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 164, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 206, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 291, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 83, \"joke\": \"While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 383, \"joke\": \"The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 442, \"joke\": \"Everything King Midas touches turnes to gold. Everything Chuck Norris touches turns up dead.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 36, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked about this glitch, Norris replied "That's no glitch."\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 358, \"joke\": \"The 11th commandment is ?Thou shalt not piss off Chuck Norris? This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 195, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris wears a live rattlesnake as a condom.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 43, \"joke\": \"Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... A suicide.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 468, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's beard can type 140 wpm.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 163, \"joke\": \"Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 368, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 213, \"joke\": \"How many Chuck Norris' does it take to change a light bulb? None, Chuck Norris prefers to kill in the dark.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 403, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 192, \"joke\": \"There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist and Chuck Norris finds it delicious.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 285, \"joke\": \"With the rising cost of gasoline, Chuck Norris is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 413, \"joke\": \"Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 98, \"joke\": \"In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 524, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris eats lightning and shits out thunder.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 473, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 334, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 71, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 59, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 373, \"joke\": \""Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 134, \"joke\": \"Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 491, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 471, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 398, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 270, \"joke\": \"The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 207, \"joke\": \"It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 565, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can make a class that is both abstract and final.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 44, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 519, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once one a game of connect four in 3 moves.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 51, \"joke\": \"The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 35, \"joke\": \"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse kick you in the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 481, \"joke\": \"For Chuck Norris, NP-Hard = O(1).\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 567, \"joke\": \"Code runs faster when Chuck Norris watches it.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 352, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 348, \"joke\": \"There?s an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris.... Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 242, \"joke\": \"Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 37, \"joke\": \"If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 330, \"joke\": \"President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 137, \"joke\": \"Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 101, \"joke\": \"Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 264, \"joke\": \"Guantuanamo Bay, Cuba, is the military code-word for "Chuck Norris' basement".\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 196, \"joke\": \"The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 312, \"joke\": \"Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 378, \"joke\": \"There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 251, \"joke\": \"Kryptonite has been found to contain trace elements of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks to the face. This is why it is so deadly to Superman.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 405, \"joke\": \"One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 321, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 212, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 184, \"joke\": \"If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 239, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's version of a "chocolate milkshake" is a raw porterhouse wrapped around ten Hershey bars, and doused in diesel fuel.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 314, \"joke\": \"July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? I think not.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 28, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 176, \"joke\": \"According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 540, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 228, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not eat. Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 544, \"joke\": \"If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 177, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 450, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 325, \"joke\": \"Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 507, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 390, \"joke\": \"Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 303, \"joke\": \"Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 160, \"joke\": \"Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 429, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder because his roundhouse kicks are recognized as "acts of God."\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 363, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 62, \"joke\": \"Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 147, \"joke\": \"Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 117, \"joke\": \"James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 151, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 12, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 259, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 499, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's keyboard has the Any key.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 351, \"joke\": \"In a tagteam match, Chuck Norris was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 24, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?".\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 323, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 166, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 472, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message "Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?".\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 168, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 214, \"joke\": \"As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 353, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 68, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 427, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 420, \"joke\": \"The 1972 Miami Dolphins lost one game, it was a game vs. Chuck Norris and three seven year old girls. Chuck Norris won with a roundhouse-kick to the face in overtime.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 508, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't need an OS.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 226, \"joke\": \""Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 236, \"joke\": \"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 487, \"joke\": \"No statement can catch the ChuckNorrisException.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 295, \"joke\": \"The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Chuck Norris took when he was younger. However, in Chuck Norris' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 318, \"joke\": \"If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 253, \"joke\": \"Coroners refer to dead people as "ABC's". Already Been Chucked.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 419, \"joke\": \"Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you...Fourty seven times.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 91, \"joke\": \"When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 340, \"joke\": \"A man once claimed Chuck Norris kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 513, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 530, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can dereference NULL.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 367, \"joke\": \"Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 474, \"joke\": \"To Chuck Norris, everything contains a vulnerability.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 90, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 261, \"joke\": \"Never look a gift Chuck Norris in the mouth, because he will bite your damn eyes off.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 223, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 560, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris sits at the stand-up.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 370, \"joke\": \"Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 421, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is not Politically Correct. He is just Correct. Always.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 256, \"joke\": \"How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 476, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't need a debugger, he just stares down the bug until the code confesses.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 549, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 156, \"joke\": \"There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 439, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 326, \"joke\": \"As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 346, \"joke\": \"Every time Chuck Norris smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he?s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 49, \"joke\": \"CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 453, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't need garbage collection because he doesn't call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 310, \"joke\": \"182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 188, \"joke\": \"MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse-kick his head through a wall and take it.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 96, \"joke\": \"Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 337, \"joke\": \"The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-. These are also Chuck Norris' initials. This is not a coincidence.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 493, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can binary search unsorted data.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 455, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 486, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris solved the Travelling Salesman problem in O(1) time. Here's the pseudo-code: Break salesman into N pieces. Kick each piece to a different city.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 102, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 510, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can compile syntax errors.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 2, \"joke\": \"MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 252, \"joke\": \"Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 418, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't believe in ravioli. He stuffs a live turtle with beef and smothers it in pig's blood.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 425, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the only known mammal in history to have an opposable thumb. On his penis.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 200, \"joke\": \"On the set of Walker Texas Ranger Chuck Norris brought a dying lamb back to life by nuzzling it with his beard. As the onlookers gathered, the lamb sprang to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it, killing it instantly. This was just to prove that the good Chuck givet\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 202, \"joke\": \"Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 322, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 380, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 428, \"joke\": \"In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 488, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't pair program.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 391, \"joke\": \"TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 118, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 414, \"joke\": \"The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 470, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 401, \"joke\": \"They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 382, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 231, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 190, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 27, \"joke\": \"Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 45, \"joke\": \"What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 225, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 29, \"joke\": \"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 142, \"joke\": \"Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 178, \"joke\": \"In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 479, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 39, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 191, \"joke\": \"The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 357, \"joke\": \"The word 'Kill' was invented by Chuck Norris. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 441, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 250, \"joke\": \"The truth will set you free. Unless Chuck Norris has you, in which case, forget it buddy!\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 438, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 456, \"joke\": \"All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 52, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 553, \"joke\": \"China lets Chuck Norris search for porn on Google.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 122, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 531, \"joke\": \"Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through land.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 412, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 319, \"joke\": \"In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 307, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 65, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 433, \"joke\": \"In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 489, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 81, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 282, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 313, \"joke\": \"All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 120, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 281, \"joke\": \"4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Chuck Norris as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 402, \"joke\": \"There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 247, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 338, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 371, \"joke\": \"They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take shit from anybody.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 55, \"joke\": \"Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 389, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 397, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 537, \"joke\": \"Each hair in Chuck Norris's beard contributes to make the world's largest DDOS.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 542, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris types with one finger. He points it at the keyboard and the keyboard does the rest.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 558, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris never has to build his program to machine code. Machines have learnt to interpret Chuck Norris code.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 482, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 333, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 4, \"joke\": \"If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always answers "Two seconds till". After you ask "Two seconds to what?", he roundhouse kicks you in the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 466, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 396, \"joke\": \"Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 47, \"joke\": \"There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 400, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' dick is so big, it has it's own dick, and that dick is still bigger than yours.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 375, \"joke\": \"After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 88, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 416, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris plays racquetball with a waffle iron and a bowling ball.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 245, \"joke\": \"The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 254, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 97, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 495, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 246, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris? sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 172, \"joke\": \"Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 19, \"joke\": \"In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 302, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 545, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's brain waves are suspected to be harmful to cell phones.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 273, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not kick ass and take names. In fact, Chuck Norris kicks ass and assigns the corpse a number. It is currently recorded to be in the billions.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 435, \"joke\": \"When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 298, \"joke\": \"MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 294, \"joke\": \"Jean-Claude Van Damme once kicked Chuck Norris' ass. He was then awakened from his dream by a roundhouse kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 331, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 193, \"joke\": \"Most boots are made for walkin'. Chuck Norris' boots ain't that merciful.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 297, \"joke\": \"Noah was the only man notified before Chuck Norris relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 103, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 311, \"joke\": \"Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats all 3 at the same time.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 241, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 70, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 272, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can taste lies.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 269, \"joke\": \"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 366, \"joke\": \"If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 300, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 127, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 552, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris knows the value of NULL, and he can sort by it too.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 235, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 173, \"joke\": \"'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 490, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 227, \"joke\": \"When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 280, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris works out on the Total Gym, the Total Gym feels like it's been raped.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 115, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 105, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 399, \"joke\": \"In the movie "The Matrix", Chuck Norris is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 320, \"joke\": \"The First rule of Chuck Norris is: you do not talk about Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 296, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 258, \"joke\": \"The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm, indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 359, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 528, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 354, \"joke\": \"For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 484, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is actually the front man for Apple. He let's Steve Jobs run the show when he's on a mission. Chuck Norris is always on a mission.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 34, \"joke\": \"The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 238, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 78, \"joke\": \"The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 232, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 316, \"joke\": \"In the medical community, death is referred to as "Chuck Norris Disease"\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 179, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris? favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 271, \"joke\": \"Staring at Chuck Norris for extended periods of time without proper eye protection will cause blindess, and possibly foot sized brusies on the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 94, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 265, \"joke\": \"The phrase 'balls to the wall' was originally conceived to describe Chuck Norris entering any building smaller than an aircraft hangar.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 504, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris programs occupy 150% of CPU, even when they are not executing.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 328, \"joke\": \"Most people fear the Reaper. Chuck Norris considers him "a promising Rookie".\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 80, \"joke\": \"Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 234, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris kills anyone that asks: "Do you want fries with that?". Because by now everyone should know that Chuck doesn't want fries with anything. Ever.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 521, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 48, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 58, \"joke\": \"Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 517, \"joke\": \"Chick Norris solved the halting problem.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 415, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 162, \"joke\": \"Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 564, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can download emails with his pick-up.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 6, \"joke\": \"Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 56, \"joke\": \"The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 393, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 327, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 20, \"joke\": \"The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 449, \"joke\": \"All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 74, \"joke\": \"In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 5, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 123, \"joke\": \"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 559, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' unit tests don't run. They die.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 500, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can access the DB from the UI.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 143, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 284, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 555, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't have pubic hairs because hair doesn't grow on balls of steal.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 25, \"joke\": \"In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 430, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 308, \"joke\": \"When you say "no one's perfect", Chuck Norris takes this as a personal insult.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 539, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's database has only one table, 'Kick', which he DROPs frequently.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 459, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 562, \"joke\": \"How many Chuck Norris require to screw a light bulb? None, he will screw it all.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 538, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 290, \"joke\": \"There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 109, \"joke\": \"It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 561, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't need an account. He just logs in.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 341, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 386, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 492, \"joke\": \"There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 339, \"joke\": \"Think of a hot woman. Chuck Norris did her.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 394, \"joke\": \""Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 107, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 431, \"joke\": \"Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 183, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don?t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 130, \"joke\": \"There is in fact an 'I' in Norris, but there is no 'team'. Not even close.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 563, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris causes the Windows Blue Screen of Death.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 332, \"joke\": \"What many people dont know is Chuck Norris is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 426, \"joke\": \"A man once taunted Chuck Norris with a bag of Lay's potato chips, saying "Betcha can't eat just one!" Chuck Norris proceeded to eat the chips, the bag, and the man in one deft move.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 485, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' Internet connection is faster upstream than downstream because even data has more incentive to run from him than to him.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 209, \"joke\": \"That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups -- that's Chuck Norris moving the Earth away from the path of a deadly asteroid.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 21, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 317, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 3, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 460, \"joke\": \"The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 165, \"joke\": \"The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 275, \"joke\": \"Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 451, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 432, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 116, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 64, \"joke\": \"There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 350, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 379, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' Penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 283, \"joke\": \"The only sure things are Death and Taxes?and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 67, \"joke\": \"A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 462, \"joke\": \"Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 448, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it's across the room.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 182, \"joke\": \"In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 77, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can divide by zero.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 464, \"joke\": \""It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 40, \"joke\": \"A handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 95, \"joke\": \"On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 255, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 452, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can't test for equality because he has no equal.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 304, \"joke\": \"It is said that looking into Chuck Norris' eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 385, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 342, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 551, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can over-write a locked variable.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 14, \"joke\": \"There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 423, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. The tsunamis were killing people.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 361, \"joke\": \"Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 203, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 33, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger. By yelling "Bang!"\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 219, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 267, \"joke\": \"Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 475, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't need sudo, he just types "Chuck Norris" before his commands.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 132, \"joke\": \"An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 336, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 289, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has never been in a fight, ever. Do you call one roundhouse kick to the face a fight?\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 158, \"joke\": \"It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 477, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can access private methods.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 257, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 99, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 535, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris uses canvas in IE.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 293, \"joke\": \"70% of a human's weight is water. 70% of Chuck Norris' weight is his dick.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 41, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes. He disembowels them.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 16, \"joke\": \"Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 514, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't use a computer because a computer does everything slower than Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 440, \"joke\": \"Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 38, \"joke\": \"Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 286, \"joke\": \"The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 343, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 434, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris wipes his ass with chain mail and sandpaper.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 301, \"joke\": \"The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 53, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 201, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 509, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's OSI network model has only one layer - Physical.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 152, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 547, \"joke\": \"Product Owners never ask Chuck Norris for more features. They ask for mercy.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 129, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 220, \"joke\": \"It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 505, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can spawn threads that complete before they are started.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 409, \"joke\": \"The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Chuck Norris, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 181, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 277, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 154, \"joke\": \"Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 233, \"joke\": \"When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 87, \"joke\": \"Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 511, \"joke\": \"Every SQL statement that Chuck Norris codes has an implicit "COMMIT" in its end.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 197, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris began selling the Total Gym as an ill-fated attempt to make his day-to-day opponents less laughably pathetic.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 411, \"joke\": \"The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 263, \"joke\": \"The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 106, \"joke\": \"Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 141, \"joke\": \"The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron's ass halfway through the first chapter.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 374, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 138, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 306, \"joke\": \"Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice." This is because even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 185, \"joke\": \"If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 204, \"joke\": \"Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 135, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 133, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 145, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 15, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 483, \"joke\": \"Bill Gates thinks he's Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris actually laughed. Once.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 541, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris break the build, you can't fix it, because there is not a single line of code left.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 194, \"joke\": \"The US did not boycott the 1980 Summer Olympics in Moscow due to political reasons: Chuck Norris killed the entire US team with a single round-house kick during TaeKwonDo practice.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 262, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris used to play baseball. When Babe Ruth was hailed as the better player, Chuck Norris killed him with a baseball bat to the throat. Lou Gehrig got off easy.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 249, \"joke\": \"Maslow's theory of higher needs does not apply to Chuck Norris. He only has two needs: killing people and finding people to kill.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 146, \"joke\": \"The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 498, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris hosting is 101% uptime guaranteed.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 175, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 543, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 534, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the ultimate mutex, all threads fear him.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 287, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris' testicles do not produce sperm. They produce tiny white ninjas that recognize only one mission: seek and destroy.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 478, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can instantiate an abstract class.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 30, \"joke\": \"Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 224, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail, his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather, roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 93, \"joke\": \"When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 136, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 324, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 268, \"joke\": \"He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 150, \"joke\": \"Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 171, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 229, \"joke\": \"One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 360, \"joke\": \"Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 84, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris talks, everybody listens. And dies.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 85, \"joke\": \"When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 131, \"joke\": \"Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 108, \"joke\": \"The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 18, \"joke\": \"According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 344, \"joke\": \"Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 376, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 536, \"joke\": \"Don't worry about tests, Chuck Norris's test cases cover your code too.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 454, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 532, \"joke\": \"A diff between your code and Chuck Norris's is infinite.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 221, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 457, \"joke\": \"MySpace actually isn't your space, it's Chuck's (he just lets you use it).\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 305, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 279, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 503, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris protocol design method has no status, requests or responses, only commands.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 167, \"joke\": \"As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 169, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 463, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't use web standards as the web will conform to him.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 72, \"joke\": \"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 248, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once shat blood - the blood of 11,940 natives he had killed and eaten.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 76, \"joke\": \"If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 112, \"joke\": \"The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 186, \"joke\": \"Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 410, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 119, \"joke\": \"Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 355, \"joke\": \"In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. Chuck Norris is the stuntman for every character.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 205, \"joke\": \"It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have had a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 502, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 362, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 406, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 395, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 384, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 155, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 372, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 417, \"joke\": \"According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Chuck Norris created God by snapping his fingers.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 42, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 533, \"joke\": \"The Chuck Norris Eclipse plugin made alien contact.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 208, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 526, \"joke\": \"No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 31, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 215, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris just says "no" to drugs. If he said "yes", it would collapse Colombia's infrastructure.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 218, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris invented the internet? just so he had a place to store his porn.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 299, \"joke\": \"Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: Chuck Norris thrives on pain. Chuck Norris then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 111, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 387, \"joke\": \"For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 566, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris could use anything in java.util.* to kill you, including the javadocs.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 422, \"joke\": \"Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 494, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris breaks RSA 128-bit encrypted codes in milliseconds.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 518, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 365, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 153, \"joke\": \"The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 392, \"joke\": \"After returning from World War 2 unscrathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 46, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 230, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 404, \"joke\": \"When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately had sex with the first nurse he saw. He was her first. She was his third. That afternoon.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 274, \"joke\": \"One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 128, \"joke\": \"A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 125, \"joke\": \"Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 260, \"joke\": \"If you rearrange the letters in "Chuck Norris", they also spell "Crush Rock In". The words "with his fists" are understood.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 54, \"joke\": \"If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 266, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris? roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 244, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16. Seconds.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 13, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 515, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris compresses his files by doing a flying round house kick to the hard drive.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 335, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.\", \"categories\": [] }, { \"id\": 17, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.\", \"categories\": [\"explicit\"] }, { \"id\": 461, \"joke\": \"Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] }, { \"id\": 69, \"joke\": \"Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick).\", \"categories\": [\"nerdy\"] } ] }")["value"]
joke = jokes[Math.floor(Math.random()*jokes.length)]["joke"]
document.getElementById("chuck_norris").innerHTML = joke
</script>
</section><section>
<h1>About Sabonis</h1>
<p>
Greetings, This blog is where I archive my notes,
some problem from my work and how I solved it.
Hope some of these will help you or not whatever.
I am currently a Android developer in Ghost island,
and striving to learn some knowledge about 0&1s.
</p>
<a href="mailto:sabonis.tw@gmail.com">reach me</a>
</section>
<section>
<h1>Tag Cloud</h1>
<span id="tag-cloud"><a href='/blog/categories/arch' style='font-size: 130.0%'>arch(1)</a> <a href='/blog/categories/hello-series' style='font-size: 130.0%'>hello series(1)</a> <a href='/blog/categories/java' style='font-size: 130.0%'>java(1)</a> <a href='/blog/categories/octopress' style='font-size: 160.0%'>octopress(2)</a> <a href='/blog/categories/reading-note' style='font-size: 130.0%'>reading note(1)</a> <a href='/blog/categories/unix' style='font-size: 160.0%'>unix(2)</a> </span>
</section>
<section>
<h1>Recent Posts</h1>
<ul id="recent_posts">
<li class="post">
<a href="/blog/2015/05/03/tafalsesiiruby-di-4ban/">たのしいRuby 第4版 Reading Notes 0</a>
</li>
<li class="post">
<a href="/blog/2015/04/21/hello-sinatra/">Hello Sinatra</a>
</li>
<li class="post">
<a href="/blog/2014/04/28/octopress-on-cygwin/">Octopress on Cygwin</a>
</li>
<li class="post">
<a href="/blog/2013/11/30/lamp-on-arch/">LAMP on ARCH</a>
</li>
<li class="post">
<a href="/blog/2013/10/30/sad/">Sad</a>
</li>
</ul>
</section>
<section>
<h1>GitHub Repos</h1>
<ul id="gh_repos">
<li class="loading">Status updating...</li>
</ul>
<a href="https://github.com/sabonis">@sabonis</a> on GitHub
<script type="text/javascript">
$(document).ready(function(){
if (!window.jXHR){
var jxhr = document.createElement('script');
jxhr.type = 'text/javascript';
jxhr.src = '/javascripts/libs/jXHR.js';
var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0];
s.parentNode.insertBefore(jxhr, s);
}
github.showRepos({
user: 'sabonis',
count: 0,
skip_forks: true,
target: '#gh_repos'
});
});
</script>
<script src="/javascripts/github.js" type="text/javascript"> </script>
</section>
<section class="googleplus">
<h1>
<a href="https://plus.google.com/117386645590215801977?rel=author">
<img src="http://www.google.com/images/icons/ui/gprofile_button-32.png" width="32" height="32">
Google+
</a>
</h1>
</section>
</aside>
</div>
</div>
<footer role="contentinfo"><p>
Copyright © 2015 - Sabonis -
<span class="credit">Powered by <a href="http://octopress.org">Octopress</a></span>
</p>
</footer>
<script type="text/javascript">
var disqus_shortname = 'JAU';
var disqus_script = 'count.js';
(function () {
var dsq = document.createElement('script'); dsq.type = 'text/javascript'; dsq.async = true;
dsq.src = '//' + disqus_shortname + '.disqus.com/' + disqus_script;
(document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0] || document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0]).appendChild(dsq);
}());
</script>
<script type="text/javascript">
(function(){
var twitterWidgets = document.createElement('script');
twitterWidgets.type = 'text/javascript';
twitterWidgets.async = true;
twitterWidgets.src = '//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js';
document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0].appendChild(twitterWidgets);
})();
</script>
</body>
</html>