niceonedad jokes

[jacebenson]

Bring in jokes from niceonedad.com

{
setup: 'Our wedding was so beautiful,',
punchline: 'even the cake was in tiers'
},
{
setup: 'I\'m reading a book on the history of glue',
punchline: 'I just can\'t seem to put it down'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?',
punchline: 'Roberto'
},
{
setup: 'I am terrified of elevators,',
punchline: 'I\'m going to start taking steps to avoid them'
},
{
setup: 'Why do crabs never give to charity?',
punchline: 'Because they\'re shellfish.'
},
{
setup: 'Why don\'t skeletons ever go trick or treating?',
punchline: 'Because they have no body to go with'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call cheese by itself?',
punchline: 'Provolone'
},
{
setup: '"Ill call you later."',
punchline: 'Don\'t call me later, call me Dad'
},
{
setup: 'Dad, I\'m hungry.',
punchline: 'Hello, Hungry. I\'m Dad'
},
{
setup: 'Where does Fonzie like to go for lunch?',
punchline: 'Chick-Fil-Eyyyyyyyy'
},
{
setup: 'Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?',
punchline: 'There was nothing left but de Brie'
},
{
setup: 'I knew I shouldn’t have had the seafood',
punchline: 'I’m feeling a little eel'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbour hood?',
punchline: 'The Spaghetto'
},
{
setup: 'Why can\'t you have a nose 12 inches long?',
punchline: 'Because then it would be a foot'
},
{
setup: 'My wife is on a tropical food diet, the house is full of the stuff',
punchline: 'It\'s enough to make a mango crazy'
},
{
setup: 'I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks',
punchline: 'for keeping me off the streets'
},
{
setup: 'What does an annoying pepper do?',
punchline: 'It get’s jalapeño face'
},
{
setup: 'Why did the scarecrow win an award?',
punchline: 'Because he was outstanding in his field'
},
{
setup: 'Why do bees hum?',
punchline: 'Because they don\'t know the words'
},
{
setup: 'What do prisoners use to call each other?',
punchline: 'Cell phones'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call cheese that isn\'t yours?',
punchline: 'Nacho Cheese'
},
{
setup: 'What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire',
punchline: 'Frostbite'
},
{
setup: 'What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?',
punchline: 'A nervous wreck'
},
{
setup: 'Why couldn\'t the bicycle stand up by itself?',
punchline: 'It was two tired'
},
{
setup: 'What did the grape do when he got stepped on?',
punchline: 'He let out a little wine'
},
{
setup: 'I\'ve just been diagnosed as colorblind',
punchline: 'I know, it certainly has come out of the purple'
},
{
setup: 'Last night I dreamt I was a muffler',
punchline: 'I woke up exhausted'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call a deer with no eyes?',
punchline: 'No idea'
},
{
setup: 'I just watched a program about beavers',
punchline: 'It was the best dam program I\'ve ever seen'
},
{
setup: 'Two satellites decided to get married',
punchline: 'The wedding wasn\'t much, but the reception was incredible'
},
{
setup: 'Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock knock joke?',
punchline: 'He won the \'no-bell\' prize'
},
{
setup: 'Is this pool safe for diving?',
punchline: 'It deep ends'
},
{
setup: 'I used to hate facial hair,',
punchline: 'but then it grew on me'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call a fake noodle?',
punchline: 'An Impasta'
},
{
setup: 'Can February March?',
punchline: 'No, but April May'
},
{
setup: 'Wanna hear a joke about paper?',
punchline: 'Nevermind, it\'s tearable'
},
{
setup: 'Don\'t trust atoms',
punchline: 'They make up everything'
},
{
setup: 'How many apples grow on a tree?',
punchline: 'All of them'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call somebody with no body and no nose?',
punchline: 'Nobody knows'
},
{
setup: 'What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?',
punchline: 'Bison'
},
{
setup: 'What do you call a pony with a sore throat?',
punchline: 'A little horse'
},
{
setup: 'I bought shoes from a drug dealer once',
punchline: 'I don\'t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day'
},
{
setup: 'Where do you learn to make ice cream?',
punchline: 'Sunday school'
},
{
setup: 'What did the officer molecule say to the suspect molecule?',
punchline: 'I\'ve got my ion you'
},
{
setup: 'If prisoners could take their own mug shots,',
punchline: 'they\'d be called cellfies'
},
{
setup: 'Why can\'t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?',
punchline: 'Because the pee is silent'
},
{
setup: 'I\'m not addicated to brake fluid',
punchline: 'I can stop whenever I want'
},
{
setup: 'Why did the coffee file a police report?',
punchline: 'It got mugged'
},
{
setup: 'Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?',
punchline: 'Great food, no atmosphere'
},
{
setup: 'I hate jokes about german sausages',
punchline: 'They\'re the wurst'
},
{
setup: 'Why did the can-crusher quit his job?',
punchline: 'Because it was soda-pressing'
},
{
setup: 'I wouldn\'t buy anything with velcro',
punchline: 'It\'s a total rip-off'
},
{
setup: 'Dad, can you put the cat out?',
punchline: 'I didn\'t know it was on fire'
},
{
setup: 'This graveyard looks overcrowded,',
punchline: 'people must be dying to get in there'
},
{
setup: 'Dad, can you put my shoes on?',
punchline: 'I don\'t think they\'ll fit me'
},
{
setup: 'Dad, did you get a haircut?',
punchline: 'No I got them all cut'
},
{
setup: 'Have you heard of the band 1023MB?',
punchline: 'They haven\'t got a gig yet'
}
]```