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<h1 class="col-8 col-6-sm center">Kanyisa Ntombini</h1>
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<h2>Parents Let's Talk About Disability</h2>
<p class="justify">
There are so many stereotypes around disabled people. As a disabled person, I also carry some prejudices against other disabled people. Sia released a movie, Music, that is filled with stereotypes about autistic people. Many people in the disability community, especially the autism community, have been criticising the movie because they portrayed the disabled character in such a terrible way. Please check out #ActuallyAutistic for the responses of the autism community of the movie.
</p>
<p class="justify">
My boyfriend's eight-year-old cousin became friends with a non-verbal boy around his age. I think he is on the Autism spectrum. I was shocked they were friends. I had an incorrect idea that non-verbal people on the Autism spectrum are not sociable. This little boy loves playing with other kids his age so much. While my boyfriend's cousin was around he would come over every day to fetch him so they can play soccer. He still occasionally comes over to check if he is around. I always find him riding his bike with other children his age. I always see him in a group of other children. I am very ashamed that I have been shocked by the fact that he has a lot of friends like other abled children. I am working towards actively challenging that prejudice but it will be difficult because this is a narrative I have been fed from a young age.
</p>
<p class="justify">
I think these prejudices are so dangerous when we think about protecting the rights of disabled children. My friend Ntsiki was attacked by people on Twitter because she posted an article that said it is problematic for parents to wish for "healthy" children when they are pregnant. I just want to state I do not have children. I just speak from my experience as someone who was a disabled child. Ntsiki is a single black mother of two. I think most people think it is harmless to want a healthy child. Surely there is nothing wrong with wanting a child who will not “suffer”?
</p>
<p class="justify">
So here are my problems with this statement. Firstly, I will have to explain the definition of disability. The medical community uses the medical model of disability. This medical model in its simplest form says disability is a result of a part of your body being sick or broken. As a result, it needs to be fixed. As disabled activists, we reject this model because it frames disabled people as broken. We follow the social model. This model says our society actively discriminates against us. As a result, this discrimination affects our ability to get health care, education, work opportunities, etc. This leads us to live undignified lives. So I will make this example. There is nothing wrong with being black. Wishing you don't have a black child because you don't want them to face racism does not make sense. What you should want as a potential parent is a world where the is no racism and your child can live a free and dignified life. This is the same principle with disabled children. Having a disabled child is expensive because the government only provides services for abled bodied children. This is blatant discrimination. Public health care, schooling, work opportunities, transport, public amenities are not made to be used by disabled people. It is shocking that 27 years after democracy we are all okay with this. So because all of these opportunities are not available to disabled people, people interpret it as the fact that disabled people do not belong in society.
</p>
<p class="justify">
One of the problems with parents wanting a non-disabled child is because it is just not a practical wish. Disability can happen at any point in your lifetime. I became disabled at 11. Most children become diagnosed with autism at around 2. I remember watching a video made by a disabled doctor. While he was in medical school he was in a car accident and had a spinal injury. As a result, he became disabled. His mother did not care that he was disabled. She moved in with him and became his caregiver. As a result, he was able to finish medical school and become a doctor. On the other hand, his father completely rejected him. On top of this, he decided to leave his wife. Imagine throwing away a marriage of over two decades because of your prejudice against disabled people! This is why it is so important that current and potential parents educate themselves about disability. You don't want to be the person who breaks your child spirit because of your own bigotry. In other more extreme cases, parents and care-givers have killed their disabled children. Some believe they are doing their children a “favour” because they are no longer “suffering” from disability. They do not understand that suffering is caused by discrimination from society. An even more disturbing trend is that often people feel sorry for these caregivers when they have killed their disabled children. They see it as the worst thing to be a parent or caregiver of a disabled person.
</p>
<p class="justify">
This is why I challenge all of you to interrogate any prejudices you have against disabled people. Educate yourselves! Ableism, like other forms of bigotry, is dangerous and we as a society need to end it.
</p>
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